I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
