just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize