Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
