Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
