Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
