I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
