I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
