Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
