The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
