i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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