There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize