A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize