That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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