I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
