how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
