i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
