Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize