He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
