barbara walters just said penis...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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