just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
