Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
