He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize