I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
