Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize