Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
