My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Damn victory sex feels great
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
