I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize