We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
