it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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