im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
