I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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