he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
