i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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