She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
