it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
