eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
