When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
