there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
