Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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