Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize