I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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