I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
