she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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