I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
