if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
