Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
