You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
