if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
