We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
