someone threw a dead crab at me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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