i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Two words: blizzard sex
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