And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
