i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
