pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
