Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
