in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
