My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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