I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
