I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
