just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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