Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
