i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need water and some morals
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
