No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the liver wants what the liver wants
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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