I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
